I was a nerd growing up.
I still Am a nerd. I love reading poetry, studying poetry, writing poetry. Given the choice, I'd usually rather spend my day at a used bookstore than go to a party.
Needless to say, I got picked on a Lot growing up. I had long dishwater blonde hair, was taller than All the boys in the class yet didn't play sports, and had really big ugly glasses. Not geek-chic glasses, I'm talking UGLY glasses, like these:
I still can't wear my glasses in public without wanting to hide my face (Not that I still wear these--I upgraded to black-rimmed geek glasses in high school).
My high school was a small private school, divided between the working-class parents who did all they could to keep their kids in a good private school, so we could get a good private school education, and the parents who were born into money. Unfortunately for me, kids from working-class families were the minority. If it weren't for my (still) best friend Jenn, I don't know how I would've survived. The poor kids, who couldn't afford "abercrombie" (that was THE brand at my school. I thought it was "abercrombie and finch" for the longest time) or new balance shoes, or whatever else was "in" at the time were bullied. Sometimes I wish I could go back and defend my wimpy little high school self (and Jenn too--despite being a Gorgeous redhead, she got teased too).
Like most high schoolers, I was still trying to figure out who I was, and when the cool kids would tease me about being the "ugly girl" of the class, or reading too much, or whatever else he could find to tease me about, I would really take it to heart. I wasn't tough enough to stand up for myself, and I spent a lot of days after school crying, writing in my journal, listening to The Smiths and Simon & Garfunkel ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" anyone?). At the same time though, I never really wanted to be part of their crowd. I thought most of them were sort of dumb. I just wanted to be accepted for who I was, accepted and mostly left alone.
Anyway, all that delving into childhood psychology to say, those comments that the bullies make about your appearance as a child
don't really ever go away.
after making it through highschool, my "prime suffering years" (LittleMissSunshine), I was a lot less liable to listen to other people's judgements of my appearance. I delved further into my anti-brand-ism by shopping thriftstores (a little too much at times), and, when I caught the attention of a supercuteboy (my now husband), I felt like maybe I Wasn't the ugliest girl ever, maybe my body is ok.
But
there is always going to be someone around to tell you that you don't look good. A lot of people do this because they're actually insecure about their own appearance, and putting you down is a way of raising themselves up.
In college there was the girl who just couldn't borrow any of my shirts because they would just "swallow" her. The other day, I was watching a movie with a girl and she pointed out an actress that looked "just like me, except, of course, prettier."
I'm not going to lie, that kind of stuff hurts, no matter how high your self-confidence is! It plants all those little doubts that like to pile up on each other and attack on a day when I'm feeling low.
So how to feel beautiful? Its different for everyone. For a long time, I didn't even try to feel beautiful. I focused on being smart and writing and reading, cultivating my mind, and I thought my body doesn't really matter, my mind matters. I think that's true in a sense, who you are on the inside, more important than how you look. A book by its cover, so they say. But I think that it is important to appreciate your body, and to feel beautiful, no matter what size you are. Here area few things that work for me,when those negative comments begin to wear:
1. Wear Clothes You Love
Clothes that fit right, that show your personality, that are beautiful. I don't think it matters so much what the outfit is--whether its a concert t-shirt and skinny jeans or a LBD and stillettos, if it makes you feel lovely on a day when its hard to believe your lovely, then wear it. Even if its just at home for a few minutes in front of hte mirror, just for yourself. It'll make your day a little easier, I promise.
2. Exercise (For Fun!)
Not just to lose weight. I am NOT a sporty girl (nerd, remember?), but I have to admit, getting out and really Using your body feels good. I think that there is a sport or exercise out there for everyone, whether its running, swimming, softball, whatever. For me, its pilates--before I started pilates a few months back, I seriously couldn't touch my toes (embarrassing, I know) but just the other day I realized that my body is actually really limber now. When I'm excercising just because that exercise is something I enjoy rather than exercising because I dislike the way my body looks, I find a lot more joy in it. I've even started taking up jogging lately. Endorphines, fresh air, and a new hobby.
The human body is an Amazing creation! How we can run and build up strength, stretch and become more limber. And, as a woman, my body can harbor new life! When I don't like the shape I see in the mirror--I'm what they call "pear shaped" which means I'm a little hippy, not in the 1960s way--I try to remind myself of the incredible usefulness of my body, and how, even though I don't always Love my hips, they're what is going to help me bring another life into this world (one day).
3. Learn to Love the Differences
I used to hate my cheekbones. They're high and give me a "weird" faceshape (or so I've thought), then I discovered that those high cheekbones come from the fact that I am 1/8th Native American. Some of the features that you might hate about yourself are hereditary, telling of your past and your family's past. How cool is it that you're walking around with history right there on your face?
And don't worry about what the "fashion industry" or mean high schoolers tell you. Comparing yourself to other people is a dangerous road. There is always going to be a girl out there who is thinner than you, has better hair, better teeth, bigger boobs--whatever!
Life isn't a competition. There are plenty of girls out there that would envy some aspect of your beauty that you might not even think of as beautiful. It's not worth worrying about! Work what you have and be happy.
Happiness is the most beautiful, enviable feature any woman can have.
*and, as a reader suggested*
What are some things that make you feel beautiful?
